How to Network Like a Natural

By Nicole Young on March 10, 2022

If you dread networking, join the club. While most people recognize it contributes to career success (88% by one measure¹), many avoid — or even recoil — from it for a variety of reasons, such as it feeling unnatural or too self-serving. In fact, research reveals that it makes some people literally feel dirty.²

But it doesn’t have to. If you’re doing it right, networking can feel authentic and rewarding. In fact, with renewed perspective, many people find they are already good networkers; they just didn’t know it and simply need to take their conversations one step further. This is particularly true for women, who tend to communicate and connect more regularly and naturally.³

To help you feel good about networking — and ultimately advance your professional goals — here are some best practices to keep in mind:

BE YOURSELF

When building new business relationships, it is natural to want to make a good first impression. Consequently, you may gravitate toward a variety of impression-building tactics, such as demonstrating your knowledge or feigning interest in the other person’s interests or perspective. But research shows these approaches tend to be counterproductive; when people cater to others’ preferences, they tend to feel more anxious and less authentic, and in turn, become less effective.⁴ Therefore, simply being yourself improves your odds of making a favorable impression.

LISTEN

Being yourself does not equal talking about yourself. A good rule of thumb in networking (and conversations in general) is to actively listen more than you speak and to ask follow-up questions. This will make you more likeable and help you better understand how you might help the other individual down the road.

IDENTIFY WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER

This leads to another important point about networking: You will be more successful if you approach new contacts with the intention of identifying how you might help them rather than vice versa. You may worry that you have nothing unique to offer. Maybe you are in the process of relaunching your career. Or maybe the other person holds a much more senior position than you and is significantly better connected in your industry or community. However, keep in mind that you can add value in many small and unexpected ways — volunteering at a philanthropic event, referring a babysitting candidate, helping with a small writing project, serving on a committee, and the list goes on. As you listen, look for both obvious and unexpected ways you can help.

BE SPECIFIC

When the time does come to ask for help, clearly state your request. For example, if you’re inviting someone to coffee (in person or over Zoom) as part of your job search, an invitation asking the individual to “spare 15 minutes of time to offer suggestions on firms you should approach as part of your job search” will likely be more effective than sending an invitation for an hour meeting to “catch up.”

STAY ORGANIZED AND FOLLOW UP

The most successful networkers are intentional and organized, including by:

• Carving out time on their calendars to network
• Having both digital and physical contact cards, resumes and portfolios (if relevant) available to share with new contacts
• Keeping track of names, phone numbers, emails, etc. as new contacts are made
• Taking and retaining notes from networking conversations
• Pursuing leads: Names received (e.g., “I think Bill may be looking for help from someone like you”) may not pan out directly, but following up could lead to others that do
• Thanking and following up with referral sources on a regular basis
• Engaging with contacts on social media

EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS

Connect with people across multiple facets of your life. Talk to people with both obvious connections (e.g., the managing partner of a firm you’d like to do business with) and less clear connections to your professional objectives. Talk to other moms in your playgroup or PTA. If they aren’t working, their husbands likely are — or their sisters, or brothers. Mention your goal (e.g., “I’m trying to jump back into my legal career”) and you’ll be surprised by how many people know someone who knows someone who can help. Also, don’t forget about your existing network: Your assistant 10 years ago may be a senior executive now and ready to hire or refer you because you were such a great boss.

DON’T FORGET ABOUT MEN

While female relationships are powerful, an underrepresentation of men in your network may limit your opportunities. As it stands, men typically hold more senior-level positions (although this hopefully will continue to change). By networking with men, you gain access to more people who can open doors for you. And networking doesn’t need to happen at a golf club, over drinks or in other historically common settings with complicated dynamics. For example, consider joining professional or charitable organizations comprised mostly of men, inviting men to Zoom coffees or simply engaging with men in your community — for example, at sporting events or school activities.

The point of networking is to build a team of friends and supporters working for you and your professional goals. You don’t need to put on a blue suit, practice a speech ahead of time or grovel. Be honest, be yourself and stay organized, and you’ll be surprised by how many people want to help.

_{1 LinkedIn Corporate Communications. “Eighty-percent of professionals consider networking important to career success.” LinkedIn Pressroom, June 22, 2017. https://news.linkedin.com/2017/6/eighty-percent-of-professionals-consider-networking-important-to-career-success. Accessed January 4, 2022.
2 Nobel, Carmen. “Professional Networking Makes People Feel Dirty.” Harvard Business Review Working Knowledge, February 9, 2015. https://hbswk.hbs. edu/item/professional-networking-makes-people-feel-dirty. Accessed January 4, 2022.
3 King, Marissa and Kovács, Balázs. “Research: We’re Losing Touch with Our Networks.” Harvard Business Review, February 12, 2021. https://hbr.
org/2021/02/research-were-losing-touch-with-our-networks. Accessed January 4, 2022.
4 Gino, Francesca. “When Networking, Being Yourself Really Does Work.” Harvard Business Review, September 27, 2016. https://hbr.org/2016/09/when-networking-being-yourself-really-does-work?registration=success. Accessed January 4, 2022.}